Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
