Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize