so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
