the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
