If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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