he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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