Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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