so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Come see our sink grown plant.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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