physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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