Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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