I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
