I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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