she was so not down for the gang bang
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
