where am i from again
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
