Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
