I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize