I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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