I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
