I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
