how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
