When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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