Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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