i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.