What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.