My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.