Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.