She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now