My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.