i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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