So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
