New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nutella sex= disaster
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
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