I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
