I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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