wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
