Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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