White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
