shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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