Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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