Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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