ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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