so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
