I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
