Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
