By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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