Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
