I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
