I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
