When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hippo gnu deer
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
