I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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