Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
