i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
