Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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