just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
