i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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