Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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