can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
