I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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