i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
